Is there something that’s stressing you out today?

Is there something that’s stressing you out today?

As I type this and ask myself the same question I know my answer: I’m tired and feel overwhelmed (a lot!) with everything that needs to be done (a lot!).

But what’s stressing you out? And what’s your answer? If you’re up for it then let’s forget the Monday morning to-do’s for a sec and ask ourselves these two questions:

1. Is it the situation that's stressing me out?
2. Or is it my resistance to the situation that feels stressful?

In my case I’m feeling cream-crackered knackered. Dog tired. Thanks to a baby who wants to party all night and a relocation to action to Malaysia with three kids.

And my logical brain goes: "Hmm. You’re cream-crackered, Figure out how to GET MORE SLEEP. Maybe DON’T RELOCATE WITH THREE KIDS…."

But. I’M KNACKERED. Right now consuming myself with ways to feel less knackered only increases my resistance, makes me more knackered. And "MAYBE DON’T RELOCATE" will also knacker me out as my knackered brain will start knackering on about other alternatives which would be equally knackering to employ at this late knackering stage.

So. What to do?

Well, we can:

1. NOTICE THE RESISTANCE

Come back to the thing that’s stressing you out today. Can you notice the feeling of resistance to it? Ask yourself "without this feeling, would this situation still be a problem?"

You see... my tiredness is not the problem. Humans are built to be tired. It is only the feeling of resisting my tiredness that’s the problem for me. The wanting it to be different. If I tune in right now, my tiredness is just a set of physical sensations: dry eyes that are a bit achy, a brain that's a bit dizzy and foggy, legs a bit heavy (not really any different to when I got into bed after a long day before I had the baby).

And relocating is also not a problem. Humans relocate all the time. Even tired ones. I’m resisting the physical feeling that comes when I roll into my tired mind onto all the things I’ve got to do and don't want to do (all the thinking).

So, then what?

2. ALLOW & LET GO

Us humans are pro resister persisters. All we actually want in life is peace and happiness. In fact, we want peace and happiness so much that we resist any feeling that isn’t peace or happiness. And resistance is so pesky we can’t stand it. So much so that we'll do anything to get away from it. We go into solution mode, anger mode, reassurance mode, denial mode, competitive mode and so on.

Mindfulness teaches that the peace and happiness is always there, deep inside us. It’s just underneath the resistance.

All we need to do to access it is:

• accept the feelings of resistance
• make the non-negotiable decision to choose peace and happiness right now, above everything else
• let go of all outcome, trusting that all’s well

This may sound unbelievable ("perhaps the tiredness has made her delusional" 😉) but here’s how it is for me:

I can resist being tired. I can get hacked off about it. I can spend two hours googling how to get babies to sleep even though I’ve had two before and know what the options are already. I can call someone and moan. I can cry. I can throw myself in front a sleep therapist or GP in an exhausted state. I can buy up all of Holland & Barrett’s energy aisle (its aisle's have done very well out of me in the past).

Or… I can choose peace and happiness right now.

I can drop my need for perfect energy or a perfect baby who sleeps and let myself rest even though I’m on the go. I can feel the hot weather on my skin, feel it warming my tired muscles and I can let my eyes rest for a bit on the milky-blue sky. I can take the pressure off to have any solution or outcome right now. Because for peace and happiness right now I just need to let go of it ALL.

I know what you might be thinking. “But how will she get the baby to sleep and how will the thing that’s stressing me out get solved??”

Mindfulness doesn’t teach us to avoid problem solving. But it does remind us to come to problem solving, to everything, from a place of peace not desperation. That what we resist persists and the more we resist the less peace and happiness we experience.

By letting go of the need for sleep and energy and focus, I paradoxically feel a little energy flickering - a little more in control. I feel I can make better choices from this calmer place. Solutions start to form without force (or shares in Holland & Barrett).

Try giving it a go today if you find yourself feeling anything other than peaceful or happy:

1. Notice what you’re resisting.
2. Allow it, choose peace or happiness and let go of the outcome.

Happy Monday 🙂

Love, Jo x

P.S. Ever noticed it’s not just the “bad stuff” we resist… do you ever resist good situations too? 🤔